Recipe for Disaster
by Ayla C. Raspus
Summary: Hermione tries to teach Harry and Ron how to cook. I was really bored. ONESHOT


**A/n: so i wanted to do this stupid little story: one because i was bored and two cause it sounded like fun. Yeah, you dont have to review if you dont want to i really don't care. It's just for fun, this story really. And...i actually saw harry and ron as the characters from Potter Puppet pals...their voices really...just...some randomthing that happens to ya when you watch it a whole buttload of times. yeah well here it is...**

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Recipe for Disaster

Hermione gathered the necessary supplies in her hand and walked over to the counter where her two best friends were standing, eagerness tearing at the back of their heads. They were wearing white aprons, a chief's hat and a wooden spoon in one of their hands.

Harry glanced over at Ron and snorted.

"You look ridiculous." He said simply as Hermione placed a small mixing bowl in front of each of them. She rolled her eyes and turned back to the cabinets the Room of Requirement provided stock full of random ingredients she might need.

"I look ridiculous? Look in a mirror Harry." Ron retorted leaning over to make his words sound a bit harsher. Hermione slammed the sugar powder down on the counter and groaned.

"You're both wearing the same exact thing. Now do you want to learn how to bake or not?" She said stepping in-between the two before the argument grew into a much larger one.

"Sorry Mione. Now, what are all these things?" Ron asked trying to turn the subject from his attire to the topic at hand. Hermione smiled her best and picked up the package of cake mix and handed it to Ron.

"Open that, and pour the powder into that bowl," she instructed pointing to the bowl in front of Harry. She turned her back to the fridge so she could pull out some eggs and milk after handing Harry a towel so he could clean up the excess powder that fell out of the bowl.

Ron was struggling with the plastic bag containing the chocolate powder within. Hermione turned back from the fridge with a container of eggs and half a gallon of milk. When she did, Ron got the bag open. Powder flew every where, and none of it landed in the bowl.

Hermione spit the sum that had gotten into her mouth out and blinked her eyes open. She sighed and shook her head as Harry rounded the island counter and went to wipe his friends face off with the towel he had given her. She pushed his hand away and took out her wand. She cleaned up the mess with a flick of her wrist and began to go back to the fridge.

"Okay. So maybe cake was a bad idea. Why don't we try something else?" She suggested pulling out a roast type thing from the fridge and plopping it back down in front of the two. She smiled and handed them a list of instructions.

"Okay, I've basically taught you how to work an oven, why don't you just follow those and I'll observe okay?" She said sweetly walking over to a bar stool and sitting down politly and trying to see what the two were doing right and what they were doing wrong.

"What is that?" Harry asked poking it with a fork.

"What have you been living in a closet your whole life?" Ron asked looking up from the slab of meat to his best friend.

"…Yes…yes I have…" Harry answered, looking down at his feet as he said it. Ron patted his friend on the back and turned back to the roast, which he resumed to open the oven in front of him and plop it in. After looking at the instructions Hermione had given them, Harry tossed them to the side and turned to the fridge to get stuff for a salad.

Ron bent down the glance into the screen of the oven to keep an eye on the roast so it wouldn't burn. He frowned. Nothing was happening. He reached up and turned the timer on, for fifteen minuets.

"Harry, nothing's happening!" He shouted over his shoulder to his friend who was trying to cut up vegitables with a spoon. Harry glanced back at his friend and went to his side hurriedly.

"Well…did you turn the timer on?" He asked looking up at the digital screen on the stove.

"Yeah!"

"How long did you put it for?"

"About fifteen minuets. But the meat isn't cooking.

"Woah Ron, we're trying to cook the meet not burn it!" Harry snapped starting to reach to turn the timer down.

"You need to turn the oven ON guys." Hermione chanted from the back of the room, slapping her self in the forehead as they gave the stove a look of confusion. Ron reached for the handle to turn the oven up and put it on the highest setting.

"There that should do it! Now let's go to that salad Harry!" Ron said walking over to the other counter and looking at the veggies and things that make up a salad. He picked up the spoon Harry was using to cut the ingredients for said salad and slapped his friend up side the head.

"You're an idiot Harry you can't cut this stuff with a spoon!" Ron scolded probably having learned just the slightest bit from Hermione's preaching.

"Of course you can!" Harry replied looking at his, slightly askew tomato slices with pride.

"No you can't, see." Ron said stabbing Harry in the side with the point of the spoon.

"Ow! Hermione, Ron stabbed me with a spoon!"

"Harry's lying I did not spoon him!" Hermione shook her head, and then sniffed.

"Do you guys smell smoke?" She asked, looking around the two to the stove that was smoking considerably. Ron and Harry ran to the oven and opened it up. Their roast had burnt, and not only was it smoking, but it had caught fire only slightly.

"It doesn't look too bad Harry," Ron consoled looking to his friend. "See look over at this spot, its not too bad!" he said pointing to a reasonable corner of the meat. A burst of the flame flew up in both their faces, pointedly at Ron.

Ron screamed in a girlish way and ran around the island counter several times screaming bloody murder.

"Help me Harry!! Help me!" He cried running in complete circles quicker now.

"Stop, drop and roll Ron! Stop. Drop. AND ROLL!" Harry yelled at his friend. Ron stopped, but did not drop. He began to spin around in circles quickly.

"It's not working Harry!"

"You need to drop Ron! It won't work if you don't drop!" Harry sighed letting his arms fall at his side in some kind of annoyance.

"Harry it's getting in my eye! My hair oh my beautiful hair!" Ron cried, sobbing somewhat heavily as he spun around faster.

"It's not that great. The fires dying out any way." Harry said handing Ron a wet towel so he could wipe the ash off his face. Hermione shook her head and flicked her wand again to clean up the mess they had made. She flicked her wand once more and the fridge opened and two small slices of chicken floated out and landed on a cooking plate in front of her idiotic friends.

"Here let's try this next. It's called black chicken!" She told them, hoping they would finally grasp the concept of the actual talent of cooking.

"Hermione! African-American!" Ron gasped, looking at his friend wide-eyed. She sighed and pulled out a small box from the drawer next to her.

"Okay, well then, we'll try something a lot easier. It's called Jell-O." She smiled, trying not to lose what sanity she had left.

"But Hermione, we don't speak Spanish." Harry told her quietly handing the box to Ron.

"Jell-o mi no comprehendo." Ron said looking at the directions on the back of the box.

"You need to heat water first!" She said, hoping they might actually do something right. They looked at her with confused faces. "You put water in a sauce pan and wait till it bubbles!" She smiled, stilling getting blank looks from her best friends.

"Oh fine! I'll do it for you!" She huffed, filling a pan with water and putting it on the stove. The boys took it from there and actually got everything down to mat that is until it came time for the Jell-o to settle.

"Harry! It's not working!" Ron cried, sniffling at the thought that he ruined another meal.

"Why not!"

"It's not getting jell-o-e. It's all…watery."

"Hermione is it supposed to look like this?" Harry asked, hoping for a yes or a maybe.

"No…" She answered, returning to the next meal she might have her two friends conduct.

"Oh, I give up. Just put it in the fridge I'll figure it out later!" Harry snapped leaning on the counter in front of him.

The room was silent for a moment, both boys were trying to make sense of all of what had happened to day and Hermione had just made up a meal that neither of them could ruin, at least she hoped.

"Guys I want you to make me toast!" She said handing the two a piece of bread and pointing to the toaster. The boys took a while and they were quiet until they came back with Hermione's toast.

She looked at it with disgust. It was burnt and crispy and it smelled horrible.

"How do you mess up toast? Is that even butter?!" She asked referring to the white substance on her black piece of bread.

"No, its sour cream. Ron didn't want to put the butter on!" Harry answered, smiling at their triumph.

"The knife was going to attack me Harry." Ron defended himself looking away from his friend sadly.

"Oh my god! You guys are idiots!"

Hermione walked into the Gryffindor common room and sat in a chair next to Ginny's. She smiled at her friend before yawning and gazing into the fire.

"So, how did teaching those two how to cook go?" Ginny asked, smirking slightly.

"Dear lord, their idiots! They didn't even know how to cook jell-o!"

"Ooo! Spanish cuisine!"

"Ginny, I'm going to pretend that you didn't say that."

"Sorry….didn't eat jell-o much."

"I mean, they didn't even realize they could've just used their wands!!"

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**A/N: yes i know, harry and ron aren't that stupid. just..in this story they are...lol. bbyesn**

**Ayla Raspus**


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